Posted by Casey
Considering the week we’ve had, I find the first listed definition of “trying” interesting and possibly prescient. Does Dictionary.com know my life?
First definition of trying, adjective. Extremely annoying, difficult, or the like; straining one’s patience and goodwill to the limit:
I woke to a loud slam: our refrigerator door. Checking the baby monitor (which keeps me from having to roll out of bed at 6 am if the boy’s just getting a snack), I could tell he was “sneaking” whatever it was. I trotted downstairs. He heard me coming and hightailed it to his room.
“What do you have?”
He produced an egg.
“Why do you have this?” Still bleary-eyed, I thought perhaps he assumed it was hard-boiled. “Do you realize this isn’t cooked?”
“Yes…I wanted to throw it at a tree.”
UGH. He’d behaved well all weekend, so we allowed him general free rein of the picnic junk food. I was surprised at his lack of reaction, thinking maybe his intolerance of sugar had waned…nope. Heeeeere it is.
I replaced the egg and noticed another was missing (I’d just bought the carton).
First definition of try, verb. To attempt to do or accomplish:
I walked into his room and found that he’d had an “accident” and tried to clean it up himself. Yes, junk food is still a bad idea.
Second definition of try, verb. To test the effect or result of:
The good news? He used the appropriate smell-killing enzyme liquid to such excellent effect that his bedding had no smell at all, in spite of the obvious…incident. Efficacy of Nature’s Miracle Urine Destroyer even on non-urine accident = confirmed.
(Chewy.com is not paying me to advertise.)
The bad news? He dumped the entire bottle on it. Ah, well…at least he tried.
Third definition of try, verb. To endeavor to evaluate by experiment or experience:
I gathered his bedding and found the other egg swaddled in his blankets. Hatching a chick? Nope. He just wanted to throw it to see what would happen. My little mad scientist (ok, let’s be real; when he does “science,” I bring the “mad”).
Fourth definition of try, verb. To test the quality, value, fitness, accuracy, etc., of:
I feel the quality of my ability to mother in appropriate ways is often tried and found wanting…Egg Incident #1 (because I’m sure it won’t be the last) is a perfect example. Instead of praising him for attempting to clean up the mess himself (which, in hindsight, was a monumental accomplishment), I freaked out over the ENTIRE BOTTLE dumped on his (thankfully waterproofed) bed and over the egg—a potential mess—swaddled with care in the clean end of his bed.
Fifth definition of try, verb. To determine judicially the guilt or innocence:
Rather than give him props for attempting a clean-up after his incident (which is probably what triggered the need for crazy), I judge-and-juried him for the potential egg mess and for not coming to get me for help with the cleanup. Then, I found that he’d tossed his soiled shorts in with my CLEAN LOAD OF LAUNDRY and started the washer again, which meant I had to run the entire load on “sanitize” and couldn’t dry the load for another two hours. I know it’s my own fault for packing a schedule too tightly, but I had a limited amount of time in which to complete several tasks that day. The last straw (last shorts?) sent me over the edge of my sanity.
Sixth definition of try, verb. To put to a severe test; subject to strain, as of endurance, patience, affliction, or trouble; tax: to try one’s patience:
In my defense, we haven’t had respite for more than a couple hours in almost a year and I’m completely drained. If the boy isn’t getting into something he finds interesting (which means items broken, a mess to clean up or some other form of work for me), the girl is intentionally tanking her grades or sabotaging the boy.
My endurance is shot, my patience is tried and worn.
So is Hubby.
But, being sapped and weary is no excuse for bad behavior. How can I expect him to do the right thing when he’s spent, if I don’t provide the example?
A few hours after the egg-in-the-bed trick, I apologized.
“You know better than to be wasting food and creating a mess, but I am sorry for overreacting. You did a great job trying to clean up after yourself. You even started the washer correctly. I wish you’d put the clean clothes in the dryer so we’d have room for your bedding, but I know your intent was good. I appreciate the hard work you did to clean up after yourself. I am very sorry for losing my mind and yelling.”
Seventh definition of try, verb. To attempt to open (a door, window, etc.) in order to find out whether it is locked:
We do what we can. Some days we fall down. But if we keep trying the locked doors, sometimes we find that they’re open.
He hugged me.
“It’s okay, Mama. You’ve had a rough month.”
Ah, yes. Rough.
Sometimes, all I can do is laugh. At least he’s aware. That’s progress. And even though his behavior is trying (first definition of verb, adjective), I do believe he is trying (first definition of try, verb) to improve.
And yeah, it’s a waste of food, but maybe not a waste of connection: I think I’m going to schedule an egg-throwing contest.
About CaseyAdoption = my life. I'll give it to you straight. Success, failure, truth.
Posted on May 31, 2017, in Adoption, autism, parenting and tagged autism, Autistic, Autistic child, behavior, connection, dictionary.com, eggs, overreact, respite, trying. Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.