Military Mama

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Photo Credit www.amenclinics.com

Tonight, I lost my cr*p.

Monday is Cub Scout night. Every single week, I hear gravel crunching under Hubby’s tires.

And I wait.

Every. Week.

Always something.

Unless he is 100% supervised, our boy always finds trouble. And every week, they burst through the back door in the middle of a reprimand.

Since Dad passed away, our guy has regressed to the impulsive equivalent of a five year old.

I understand from the many, many articles and books about childhood grief that this is normal, but seven weeks of the behavioral equivalent of Chinese Water Torture has chipped away my resolve to stay calm.

He almost made it through the evening this time.

But then, some pestering little kid he can’t stand ran by and hit him (probably explains the “can’t stand”).

Instead of coming to tell Hubby (which is what we tell him to do, every…stinking…time…), he ran after the kid, knocking people out of the way as he tracked his prey.

Hubby happened upon the scene in time to collar him.

We are exhausted.

We can’t leave him alone for five minutes unless he’s asleep.

It’s like we’re back to year one, minus the screaming (THANK GOD at least he’s not screaming. Yep, I can find a blessing anywhere. I’m pretty sure this means I’m mental).

I have another meeting tomorrow about whether the school will allow a one-to-one behavioral aide. I’m trying to get approval for an in-home counselor to help him cope. I am doing EVERYthing I can think of.

I know being at the end of the rope is not an excuse, but tonight, I’d just had it. I went all

Military Mama.ย 

It was either that or have an aneurysm, and I just don’t have time for that.

In less-than-quiet decibels, I explained to our boy that although I spend hours and hours and HOURS every week in meetings and filling out paperwork and researching and reading and trying to find solutions that will help them, he and his sister are NOT my top priority.

Hubby is.

And I am

DONE

watching the kids disrespect, ignore and disobey my husband.

I went nose-to-nose with the kid.

Imagine this, but with longer hair (probably the spit is accurate):

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Photo by KoiQuestion

ย YOU WILL OBEY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME SOLDIER?!

Not kidding. I went there.

By the time I was done, he was yelling, “SIR, YES, SIR! I MEAN—MA’AM!”

I don’t really know if it will make any difference.

I know the kid is grieving; we all are. Military Mama is probably not what he needs right now.

Why am I telling you this? Mostly because I’m still pretty upset, both about his behavior and about my reaction. Writing keeps me sane.

I’m telling you thisย because I think I come across as got-my-stuff-together a little too often, and that’s just not real life. I’m totally winging this.

Also, I want you to know that if you’re in the middle of

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Photo credit: Alonzo Lawhorn

you are

NOT ALONE.

Joshua 1:9 is one of my favorite promises: Be Strong. Be Brave. You are NEVER ALONE.

Even in the moments we fail, God is still there.

Even when Military Mama takes over.

Stand strong. Be brave.

You can do this.

 

 

 

 

About Casey

Adoption = my life. I'll give it to you straight. Success, failure, truth.

Posted on February 20, 2017, in Adoption, Christian and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Oh my goodness. You mean you’re human? You’re NOT a perfect Stepford mom? Yes, we ALL get to be human sometimes. You’re doing a great job. I’m surprised Military Mom hasn’t come out before, whether she was needed or not. Sometimes, we’ve just plain had enough.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Casey I am literally bursting out in laughter. I consider myself a military mom sometimes with my munchkins. It’s all in the season of mothering right ๐Ÿ˜‚. Hugs dearest.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my goodness!

    My husband used to literally tell the kids, “Okay! Army Dad is here now and you are going to DO what I SAY to DO, WHEN I say to DO IT!”

    It’s usually successful in the short-term, which can give us a much-needed reprieve from the constant onslaught of BS behavior we get every day. But, like you, we are still looking for a long-term solution.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Shit… I know about this. The last few weeks haven’t bern great. We’re now at midnight sleep time if we’re lucky! The other night was 3am. Shouting doesn’t help. I’m at the end of my rope too! But mine doesn’t say yes ma’am if you shout. He says f off!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know things are different across the pond so I’m not sure what’s available to you; see if there’s a support group. Even if you don’t decide to stay with the group, they can probably give you great direction for resources.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Aw, Casey. You’re the closest thing I know to being the perfect mum – you are as good as it gets! You can’t kick yourself too much for blowing your top just occasionally. Tough times for you all.
    Yes, you can do this ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • I laughed aloud as I imagined my kids reading your note. Some days maybe they’d agree, but for sure not all days! ๐Ÿ˜‰ We do the best we can and hope it all turns out ok!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Isn’t that the truth? Always feel like I’m feeling my way, hoping I’m doing the best I’m capable of. You do a grand job as far as I can tell, though they might not always appreciate it until they’re older!

        Like

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