I’m Going In…Part 2

I didn’t get what I wanted last week.

(Click on the “last week” link to go back to Part 1.)

I marched into the meeting armed with a thick file of psychological testing, neurological testing, notes I’ve taken through the last five years and a box of thirty-odd adoptive parenting books. I wanted to show the team we’ve done due diligence and our homework. Our daughter’s in-home therapist accompanied me.

A few days prior to the meeting, one of the lead therapists in the assessment company spent several hours on the phone learning about our situation. I’m sure she’s also thinking of the financial gain of a new client but she seemed very dedicated to helping our girl get what she needs. She even offered to join the meeting by phone. However, the night before the meeting she called to let me know the community services rep told her not to call. I thought it was a little strange; using every resource seemed like a good move to me, but I figured this wasn’t the rep’s first rodeo. She must have her reasons.

As the meeting started, I explained our situation, laid out the path we’ve taken to try to find answers and explained why we feel having an assessment (which is a large expense) would be helpful for our daughter. Several companies nationwide in the U.S. provide the service; some appear to have better results than others and many are very far away. This company is our closest option and has received great feedback from former clients.

The meeting facilitator asked for additional information about the company. I began handing out the company brochures as the community service rep spoke up. “Unfortunately, no one from the company was available to join us for this meeting, so we don’t have additional information.”

Wait, what?!

Mid-reach over the big oak table with a brochure, I locked eyes with the rep.

“Actually, she was available. She called me last night stating that you told her not to call in.”

The rep flushed, then said, “Well. Yes. I did. I have to say, the behavior discussed here is nothing like the sweet young lady who sat in my office.”

For half an hour. She saw my daughter for thirty minutes. She thought I was making this up?

The facilitator’s eyes flicked back and forth between us, possibly concerned I’d jump across the table.

I gritted my teeth and

sat down on my inner WWF wrestler* alter-ego,

who really wanted to pound the rep.

*Her name is Tai-Chi-Mama and she wears a cape. 

Our girl’s therapist told the group she’s familiar with the program and thinks this partnership would be very helpful. Unfortunately, she was a young newcomer and many of the team members were…seasoned. Although they were mildly interested, her words held no sway with the group.

Another team member spoke up just then, explaining that she’s seen excellent results from the assessment with some of her own young clients. I’m not sure why she didn’t say anything earlier; maybe she was waiting to see if I needed help. Her testimony turned the tide from good-luck-getting-that-approved to we’re interested but not sold. 

I still didn’t get what I wanted.

The facilitator told me I’d need to go back to our adoption district and request the funding in a process that can take up to two months (color me not thrilled) by going through the social work team (double not thrilled).

When we adopted, the head social worker in the original district was horrible and the director wasn’t much better. If you’ve been reading a while, you’ve probably seen a few of those painful posts. Telling me I’d need to work with them again was tantamount to directing me to attempt firewalking.

I left the meeting somewhat discouraged. Thankfully, the meeting facilitator offered to call ahead to the social worker. Since the request came from the team, the social worker couldn’t completely shut me down.

Let’s stop here for a quick sing-along: 
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need

Today, I got what I needed.

The social worker called. She said,

We’ve had trouble building trust with a lot of our older families because of what happened in the past with other social workers. I want to let you know that things are very different now. I’m here to help you and I want to get your daughter what she needs. I’ve sent you information about the process and some paperwork to get it started. Oh, and let me tell you about a few other resources that may be helpful…

Several of the options she suggested weren’t even on my radar. And to think, if we’d been approved in the beginning, I would have never talked with her.

Sometimes, we think we aren’t getting what we want.

Maybe we aren’t.

And maybe, just maybe, not getting what we want is…good.


About Casey

Adoption = my life. I'm determined to give my kids the chance they deserve. Adoption isn't always easy. I promise, you're not alone in this. Join me at - we're in this together.

Posted on January 25, 2017, in Adoption, mental health, parenting and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 37 Comments.

  1. I really hope you get what you need for your daughter. I know how hard it is to get things moving along the way, hopefully once the momentum picks up things will improve.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Go Mama-Tai-Chi! This sounds like all is well that ends well.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We’re getting the CALOCUS done for Little this weekend – I’m terrified the evaluator won’t listen to what I am saying and will instead see my cute little boy at full-steam charm and decide he doesn’t have a problem.

    Glad not getting what you wanted opened up more doors for you guys, though! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • How did it go? I prayed he would act like a psychotic squirrel monkey, lol. Did it work?
      It could be 2 months before we know anything but at least we have direction, so I feel good about that. Hugs!


      • LOL – no, his mask was on for sure. But he was honest with the lady and admitted he wanted to hurt me, himself and others when angry. That he has in the past and that he “knew” he would in the future.

        Haven’t gotten the full evaluation back yet, but hopefully tomorrow.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Well, at least that’s something. We had a similar admission (“I’ll strangle you in your bed,” to brother, then repeated when I asked) and I got it on video since no one else was present.


  4. It’s so true: sometimes not getting what we want is the best thing.
    Praying that you all keep going forward! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hang in there. You are a GREAT Baby Mama.


    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, Casey, that is so true! Last year I wasn’t re-hired for my temporary teaching post and I was devastated. I spent the rest of the year mentally beating myself up and I’m still struggling with thinking of myself as a bad teacher. But because I wasn’t employed this year I’ve been available to step into a temporary job filling in for a teacher at another school on long stick leave and God has given me the opportunity to be useful and experience a wonderful school environment. So, YES – not getting what you want can be SO good. Thanks for reminding me. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Oh, Casey. I can’t imagine how frustrated and angry you must have been in that meeting (BTW if I’d been there and you’d decided to launch yourself at that woman, I would have been your tag partner!)
    It seems all they wanted to do was put obstacles in your way and make things tougher for you. Is it all about the money? Will the repeal of Obamacare affect you in any way? I’m so glad the social worker called you afterwards – a real ray of light in what might have been a dark time.
    Man, you need some personal strength to deal with all of the stuff you’re up against. You’re amazing – you do know that, right? All the best

    Liked by 1 person

    • I just love you. 🙂 Only a real friend offers to help in a beat-down, ha! I’m not sure if the repeal will affect us one way or the other; I should probably check into that. I definitely was mad, because it really IS about the money, not the child. On the other hand, I understand there are limited funds and they’re not familiar with the process, so to them it looks like an unsupported expense. I’ve realized that writing really makes a difference, so I’m trying to carve out time to do more of that. Apparently I process feelings with my fingers. 😉 And of course the support here is amazing. Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s a sad truth, but money so often makes the difference to health, doesn’t it? Our NHS is under terrific pressure largely due to an ageing and increasingly obese population. People have to fight to get funding for certain life saving drugs because health authorities can’t afford to pay for them and our emergency care is straining terribly, with tales of people with life threatening conditions being turned away because the hospital is full and some dying on trolleys while waiting to be seen by overworked staff. The whole thing is collapsing and our government won’t grant extra funding to help. It’s a sad state of affairs when rich countries don’t prioritise the health of their own people

        Liked by 1 person

  8. A good way to perceive the situation 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I have no clue what’s going on…I do hope you get the assessment though

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha, sorry, maybe I should have made the link to part 1 more clear. I’ll go back and do that. We’re trying to get an assessment that will help us understand our daughter’s needs. She has Reactive Attachment Disorder which makes it very difficult for her to connect with others on anything more than a very surface level. We’re trying to find ways to help her have true relationships with family and friends.

      Liked by 1 person

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