How to Know if She’s Cheating

Cheating causes heartbreak, anger and car vandalism.

According to the eHarmony advice page, cheating is never okay.

I beg to differ.

Sometimes cheating can cause the other person in whom you have an interest to become more…clingy interested.

And if that’s what you’re after, the end justifies the means. Right?

WordPressBlogConfessionTime: I’ve been cheating. With panache and impunity.

I exhibit none of the signs of cheating listed in the link above. You need a cheater mentor? I’m your gal.

Now, I admit, I’m just in it for the cuddle time. And hugs. And occasional kisses, but only on the cheek.

The reasons women cheat are varied, but remaining in the top few justifications: we just wanna be loved. Attention and affection, per Daily Mail. My motivation is no different. And if getting some affection means going outside the relationship, well, is that so wrong?

I didn’t actually mean to cheat. It crept up on me. I swear.

Just minding my business, drawn in sure and slow by the warmth of unadulterated devotion.

Hubby looked me in the eye and spat, “You’re cheating! And it’s OBVIOUS.”

I stared at him, stunned.

And then he grinned at the little blonde girl wrapped around my middle.

Not our kid. 

My friend’s daughter adores me (and I return the love with wholehearted joy). There’s nothing quite as heady as the pure devotion of a three year old.

However, concerned that it would strain the already difficult relationship (click for info about Reactive Attachment Disorder) with our daughter, I used to limit playing with my little friend with our girl present.

A couple months ago, Hubby encouraged me to stop worrying and just have a good time being the Fun Adopted Auntie.

I’ve followed his advice with unexpected consequences.

Our girl’s jealous. 

A second little friend has made recent advances into Niecedom, doubling the likelihood my girl will see another child hugging me.

The morning Hubby made his laughing accusation of “cheating” on our daughter, my friend’s little sprite climbed all over me, snuggled on my shoulder and dragged me across the crowded Cub Scout gathering by my pinkie.

Five minutes later, our daughter was glued to my side, playing with my hair, rubbing my back. Hubby looked over the heads of our friends and winked as she draped her arms around my neck.

In the past month, she’s snuggled up to me on the couch of her own accord at least five times. And yes, I’m counting. Prior to my little cheating spree, we’ve had about five snuggles in the last six months.

Reactive Attachment Disorder kids tend to save their affection for “safe” individuals. Acquaintances, friends’ mothers, Sunday School teachers, counselors, aunts, grandmothers. People present for the moment, but not for the long term.

If you’re the long term caregiver (especially the mother figure), you’re dangerous to a RAD child. You might worm your way past defenses, convince her to care and then abandon her, just like birth mom (or other original offender). You can’t be allowed to infiltrate. You must be pushed away to prevent more heartache.

I grasp the concept. Understand the impetus behind the behavior. Most of the time, I don’t take it to heart. Much.

Having her take an interest in being my daughter has been refreshing. I’m not banking on it continuing forever, especially since we’re coming up fast on teenagerhood. But it gives me a glimpse of hope.

Just maybe, after she’s done with seventh grade snappiness, eighth grade animosity, ninth grade nastiness and tenth grade tantrums, we can be friends.

They say cheaters never win…but even if it’s temporary, I’ll celebrate this.

Right after I lock up all our spray paint.







About Casey

Adoption = my life. I'm determined to give my kids the chance they deserve. Adoption isn't always easy. I promise, you're not alone in this. Join me at - we're in this together.

Posted on January 12, 2016, in Adoption, advice, Blogging101, Writing101 and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. A beautifully written piece. Lock up the spray paint, enjoy the cuddles and prepare for the coming years. Word is that it gets harder in the teens:-)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Casey,

    I always say that if your not cheating, your not trying. Glad that your trying so hard. Great advice, keep the kids away from the spray paint!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So glad to hear from you again! Awesome post! I knew there had to be a real story in this, that it wasn’t as it appeared! You are SOOO GOOD at making my eyebrows go up , saying I gotta read this 🙂 ENJOY those snuggles, you deserve them! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. great fun piece! I hope she continues to snuggle 🙂 And good luck with the teenage years.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A most excellent read! You always know how to hook us and take us into the heart of your story. Glad to hear you are getting more cuddle time! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • 🙂 Thanks! It was nice to finally have time to write! So much for “I’ll write every day…” ha! We’re almost done reconstructing the kitchen (and moving the kitchen stuff back, cleaning all the overflow areas, wiping, vacuuming and DUSTING) OHMYGOSHTHEDUUUUUUUUUUST (I know you understand) so I’m hopeful there will again come a day when I can sit and write with no “I should go clean that…” guilt. 🙂


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