Adoption = Mother’s Day Sucks

For many years, Mother’s Day was…not the worst day of the year, but close.

Everywhere I turned, mothers rejoiced with the young darlings surrounding them. I didn’t understand why, with such a strong desire to be a good mama, children of my own always seemed to be just out of reach.

Looking back, it’s obvious to me that every step of our journey was directed by an unseen Hand, but as we went through the ten years before our kids arrived, I didn’t always feel it. Hope and trust kept me going most of the time, but Mother’s Day made faith a bit more difficult. Ten years is a long time.

Of course, in the Bible story, Abraham and Sarah were close to 100 when their first son arrived. In comparison, I guess ten years was a light sentence.

Several years ago, I experienced the worst Mother’s Day of my life. Both of my younger brothers’ wives were pregnant, and though I was happy for them…it didn’t help my personal feeling of loss. Usually, I made it through the Mother’s Day church service without spilling tears. Our church does an excellent job of recognizing ALL women on Mother’s Day, giving flowers to every female and celebrating the influence the women have on all the children. “It takes a village” and all that happy trappy.

Don’t get me wrong. It was better than watching only women who had birthed a child receive a flower but it still couldn’t take away all the pain. Sort of like that bubblegum-flavored gel they give you at the dentist to numb the area before the Novocaine syringe. It sort of dulls the ache, but you still feel the cold stainless steel sliding into your gum.

So, that particular day, I was especially edgy and just wanted to leave. As I walked down the aisle toward my seat, I heard a chirpy little voice behind me. “Happy Mother’s Day!” A little boy I knew, but not well, leaped into my arms. I knelt down, wrapping my arms around him.

Tears pricked my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. I looked around to see who was cutting onions in church, and then whispered, “Thanks, Buddy.” He squeezed my neck tight, grinned at me and skipped off.

That kid saved my Mother’s Day.

I tell this story, not so you will feel sorry for me but to make a point (unless your sympathy prompts you to send me Godiva chocolate. In that case…by all means, go ahead).

Here’s my point. There are women in your life and mine—possibly even reading this blog—who are in that same place. Look around for her tomorrow. Notice the downcast eyes, the slumped shoulders, the less-springy-than-usual stride. Give her an extra hug. If one of these women has been an influence in your life, make sure to thank her.

Has she dedicated time to your children? Make sure THEY thank her.

Many women who don’t have children spend many mostly-unnoticed hours caring for others. Pay attention. Search out those ladies. Give a hug, squeeze a hand.

If you are that lovely woman who wishes for children and endures Mother’s Day, know that I understand the depth of that pain, and that my heart is with you. Thank you for everything you do. To the women in my life who have been “adopted mothers” to me, to my husband and to my children, I hope you know how special you are. We wouldn’t be where we are without you.

(And although this post isn’t about bio moms, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to my mom. Love you so much!)

Make tomorrow the BEST Mother’s Day ever for someone in your life.

Check out these links, too:

http://gateway-women.com/tag/dealing-with-my-childless-friends

http://thenotmom.com/the-mothers-day-challenge-for-childless-women-groceries/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcy-cole/mothers-day-for-childless_b_3242421.html

http://vinitawright.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/05/for-the-childless-woman-on-mothers-day.html

About Casey

Adoption = my life. I'll give it to you straight. Success, failure, truth.

Posted on May 9, 2015, in Adoption, parenting and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.

  1. Excellent article. I certainly love this website. Keep writing!

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  2. Thank for this post – it was nice. I try to just ignore Mother’s Day because it often feels like it belongs to a club that I wasn’t invited to join.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ouch – just re-read my comment and it came out a lot more harshly than I had intended! This really was a nice post and the sentiment is appreciated … both for non-mothers in May, and non-fathers in June 🙂

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      • It’s okay–I totally get that (and felt it for many years!), which is why I wrote the post. I know there are many others who feel the same way. Before we had kids, I felt that things would be really different if I had “my own” (by adoption, which was always the plan), but now that we’ve adopted, and some of the kids I “parented” have come back to me through the years, I’ve found that you CAN love and be loved by another person’s child just as much as you love your own. I’m sure there are people who would disagree with that, but two weeks ago I stood in Walmart, tears streaming down my face after I was accosted by a huge black guy I didn’t recognize…and found that he was the little boy who spent so many hours in my back yard. He’s getting ready to graduate and will be playing college football; he is doing so, so well. I can’t remember the last time I was so proud. Don’t be afraid to invest in the lives around you. I think those of us who do that create our own club. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  3. This is beautiful!! I have dear friends who have struggled with this issue. Thank you for your tenderness and compassion in telling this. HUGS to you, love the little boy story. God knew you needed that hug!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Made me tear up. You are a great mom. Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A good entry about the ups and downs of Mother’s Day. Sending love and hugs your way, I hope you had a great day anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Absolutely loved this entry. It was so honest and thought provoking. I also tried to pay attention to those who have been there for me who aren’t “typical mothers” or mothers at all. I also enjoyed the articles you posted, and it very nice to read about a different way of life that is not necessarily accepted by the mainstream culture.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. What a great idea that I feel bad to say I have never thought of. Many women would as you did enjoy that hug from a child they know or cared for or just talked with. I love that about the blogosphere their are so many perspectives and you always are learning something new or rethinking something old. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    • Me too–there’s so much to learn from other people! (Initially, instead of “other,” my spell check corrected to “ornery.” I guess that can be true as well…I’m definitely in that category on some days! ) 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Casey, I hope that today is a really great day for you and the family!

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  9. Big hug to you and lots of love !

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I can understand your feelings about Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day was never traditionally celebrated in India and it was only a spin off of the greeting card industry to induce us to buy their wares. But you are right about the many women who are mothers to different people at some point in time. My own daughters have received a mother’s love from strangers when they were away from home….Thank you all you women who never made them feel the lack of a mother’s love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love that you can recognize it and be thankful for the “others,” knowing that YOU are the mama. 🙂 I think sometimes it’s hard for moms to allow it to happen without being jealous…but you’re right, we should be thankful! No single person can be fill everything another needs.

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  1. Pingback: Adoption = Gotcha Day! | Adoption =

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